Valentine’s Day is a huge topic for bloggers. You’ve no doubt already been inundated with the best ‘“Romantic Meal for 2” recipes (which are actually your bog-standard dinner recipes, but are written in illegible red font), swamped with the Ultimate “DIY Gifts He Will Love” (that he will definitely not love) and of course, bombarded with all the wonderful date ideas that sound sticky and frankly not enjoyable at all.
Now, although that first paragraph may hint otherwise, I’m not actually the cynic that I used to be. I don’t categorically hate all the red, fluffy s**t presents that I must walk past every time I go into a shop of any kind. Believe it or not, there are some perks to this ‘holiday’. Most are edible and very high in calories but nonetheless, it’s not the worst day of the year. So, instead of the standard “What To Do” Valentine’s blog, I thought I’d tell you what NOT to do on this special, special day.
1. Do Not Watch ANY Nicholas Sparks Movies
This really should go without saying, but unless you’re in the world’s most wonderful, committed, serious relationship then these films will only make you miserable. Yes, I’m talking The Notebook, Dear John, The Last Song or any movie with two people romantically holding each others’ faces on the poster (so weird). I’m not saying that these are not great films, quite the opposite. They are so good that if you watch these films your night will go one of two ways. Either you will study the way Noah looks at Allie and then glance at your man, who is probably covered in crumbs, slouched into the couch, snoring because he falls asleep at every film you pick, and realise your life is nothing like the Sparks films. Or, you will sit alone, 2 bottles of wine down, jar of Nutella (with spoon) in hand, crying at the opening credits because not even your cat will love you on this God awful day. Not a pretty picture, is it? Just stick to Planet Earth.
2. Do Not Eat Your Feelings
Ladies and Gents, this applies to every single day. Yep all 365 of them. I can reassure you that you’re not alone with this one. It’s actually a science. When we get sad, we automatically want to change our emotional state. To do this, we must first change our physical state. In other words, when we get a little down, were programmed to want to scoff the whole Terry’s Chocolate Orange. And no, do not tell yourself that this is acceptable because it has orange in the name. It is not a fruit and never will be, no matter how sad you are. This will not make you feel any better at all. In fact, its likely to have quite the opposite effect. What I’m saying is: indulge a little. After all, its rude to leave those chocolates from your Mum unopened, right? Just invite your other single friends over so you can all be alone together and halve the dreaded calorific devastation.
3. Do Not Get Boozy
Again, this one speaks for its self and should be an active rule all year round. Please do not drink if you are upset. I’ve (nearly) always lived by the rule ‘Do not drink to feel better, only drink to feel even better.’ and I tend to maintain a happy (ish) state when I’m out-out. Alcohol is a known depressant. Some drinks actually make me cry for no reason what so ever, then I get even more upset about the fact that I have no reason to be upset. It’s a vicious Gin-filled circle. I no longer drink Gin.
So again, moderation is key here. You do not want to be that drunk girl/guy crashing the romantic date on the table next to you because your significant other just liked that girls Instagram picture and hasn’t text you back for exactly 43 and a half minutes. Nobody wants to hear it, trust me. Just put the bottle of wine down and go home.
If you need help on boozing in healthy moderation, Positive Health Wellness have some great tips in their recent article, How to Enjoy Alcohol Without Sacrificing Your Health.
4. Do Not Complain About How Single You Are
This is a big one for me personally. First of all, shut up and stop complaining, it will not change a thing. Yes nobody likes to be alone on Valentine’s Day, but if you really think about it, you are in fact not alone. You’re joined by the millions of others who don’t have that oh-so-special someone to spend this Hallmark holiday with, so join the club. Just be thankful that you’ve got your wonderful self, and think of all the positives. You don’t have to shave your legs, you can sit in alone with a pint of ice cream and a bottle of rosé camomile tea and swipe your life away on Tinder. Not too shabby eh?
5. Do Not Brag About How You’re In A Relationship
If you have any form of social media, then it goes without saying that every single man and his dog will have seen that you are in a loving, extremely serious and oh-so committed relationship. Good for you, really… Not that everybody’s not over the moon for you both, but I’m pretty sure all the singletons would really appreciate it if you could keep the soppy posts to a minimum. You’re really rubbing salt in the wound. I will give your Valentine’s Day Instagram post a like, only in the hopes that you’ll return the favour when I later post a picture in my bed socks with my cat asleep on me. In my opinion, this seems like enough gratification for your relationship.
6. Do Not Buy Yourself Flowers And Pretend They’re From Someone Else
I don’t need to tell you that this is pathetic, and I don’t need to tell you that I have done this before. First you get the idea, it seems feasible. I mean how would anybody even know? You call the local florist and order the largest bouquet of roses to be delivered to your desk, mid morning. How exciting? You then have to pay the extortionately expensive bill. The excitement starts to fizzle a little. You get to work, the delivery man has left your obnoxiously large flowers on your desk. You’re now beginning to realise that this was probably a bad idea. Susan from sales comes over and coo’s over your mysterious gift. You can’t answer a single one of her probing questions and begin to sweat. A lot. You quickly break down and humiliate yourself in front of the entire office. You’re forced to quit your job and move counties out of pure shame and embarrassment. In the end, you’ll realise that it was a bleeding awful idea and you should have just had them delivered to your home and been done with it. Flowers die after a couple of days anyway, get yourself some Prosecco from your ‘admirer’ instead.
7. Do Not Doubt That Love Is Out There Somewhere
Don’t worry, I’m not going to get all soppy here, but just hear me out. We are probably guilty of moaning that love doesn’t exist and that were going to become that real life meme of a 20 stone man/woman, bowl of Captain Crunch on one roll of fat and your 3 cats curled up on the other rolls, alone forever. But that’s not the case. Unless you consciously repel the opposite sex (or the same sex for that matter), then you will likely meet a like minded individual who’s willing to deal with all your weird and wonderful, mostly weird, habits. To me, the whole love thing is definitely worth the wait. Yes, it’s cliché but I firmly believe there is someone out there for all of us. If Donald T can find Melania, then you my friend have the highest of chances of finding some poor soul to love you.
I hope this article provided you with, if nothing more, a distraction on this romantic, love infested holiday. Take my advice and you might just survive until February 15th, but I can’t make any promises.